Two Men Walk into a Cafe
by Potato-Post.Community
Summary: It was supposed to be her last night working, and then two men walk in. What will unfold as the night goes on? Beware... Stupidity lies behind these doors... One shot.


**It was supposed to be her last night working, but then two men walk it… One-shot. Betcha nothing that you'll stare at your screen as you read this and say, 'What the fuck?'**

 **Warnings: Swearing, stupidity, bad writing, OOCness.**

 **Setting: Modern Day?**

-FT-

Natsu and Gray sat across from each other in a booth at the cafe _Fairy Tail_ , Natsu sinking into the seat as Gray put his head in the palm of his hand boredly. Seriously, how long did it take to find a waiter?

As if on cue, a waitress jogged up, blonde hair swirling. Some of it was pulled up into a small side-ponytail, held by a blue ribbon. The rest was left alone. The blonde huffed, giving a lopsided smirk.

"Slow night we're having here, eh?" she mumbled. Natsu pushed himself forward on the seat, reading her nametag. 'Lucy'. 'Lucy's' eyes drifted to his pink hair, but before she could say something, Gray spoke up.

"Yeah." Simple, but enough to draw her attention back to her job. She took a small pad into her hands, clicking the pen so she could use it.

"Well, what can I getcha?" Lucy asked. Gray looked expectantly at his boyfriend, who put his hand to his chin in a thinking motion.

After a moment, he stated simply, "Toast." The raven haired male did a double take. Never had the pinkette only ordered toast.

The blonde only nodded and wrote it down. "So, just toast then?

Yet again, Natsu paused to think. "No, I want some toast _and_ some spam musubi." he added. Gray groaned.

"We don't have that here sir. What about you?" She shifted her attention to Gray, tapping the pen against the pad.

He shook his head, "Nothing." Lucy bit her lip, moving so her weight rested on the other foot.

"Not even water?" she questioned, "You see, business is declining round here. We need all the money we can, especially after- errr... I'm rambling on," she paused and shook her hands in front of her, "sorry bout that!" She chuckled nervously.

"Just get a cup of," Natsu paused to think, "coffee." Gray nodded, firing the order off, not bothering to add in how he liked it.

"So a coffee and toast?" Lucy repeated.

"Yeah." She jotted it down, and let her head bounce.

"Alright! I'll be back with your order soon!" she giggled. Lucy then twirled around and headed to the kitchen.

Natsu gave the other male a smile, watching the blonde walk off. "Wow. That was one energetic waitress."

Gray nodded. "Yeah, she must've had too much coffee," he shrugged.

The pinkette's attention returned to the raven haired male. "Like you don't?" he laughed. Before Gry could answer, the waitress bounced back over. This time, she was balancing a tray.

"I'm back! And I have your orders!" Lucy pointed to the tray and started placing the stuff before the men. They thanked her, before she spoke again. "I'll be back in a bit to check up on ya! I hope ya enjoy the meal!" And again, she left.

Gray turned back to Natsu, who shoved one slice of toast into his mouth. He ate loudly, mouth open. The raven only slowly sipped his coffee, waiting for the pinkette to finish.

For the third time, Lucy walked back up. This time- however- her uniform and hair were a mess. She twidled her thumbs together, and quickly spoke. "Hey! Sorry to interrupt your meal but, we're gonna make this a dine and dash!"

Natsu took a moment to swallow. "Huh?" Gray only looked on, eyebrow raised, mug to his lips.

Lucy nodded, and continued, "So why don't you pack up, pay up, and get out?"

"Why...?" the pinkette questioned.

She ignored it, glancing back to the kitchen. "Or, even better, just get out! Sound like a plan?" she hurriedly directed. Natsu shook his head, and the raven calmly took another sip.

"Anyone who orders a drink and some toast is planning on staying and chatting." he argued. Gray gave motioned an agreement.

Lucy looked like she was starting to get mad, "That's not possible! Dine and dash, so get ta dashing!" she huffed. All three of them freeze at the sound of a gun shot, although the male's returned to dining within seconds. Gray grinned into his drink. After a moment, a staff member's scream was heard. At that, Natsu stood up, toast still in his mouth.

"Okey Dokey."

Lucy looked on, rather confusedly. "So you're leaving? That was simple.." she sighed. But then-

 _Clank! Shhhhh-clang! Shhhhhh-clang!_

Every exit was covered in a metal sheet, so there was no escape. Lucy's face settled into an 'I'm so fucking done with this shit' look and the men fist bumped.

Lucy sighed again. "Wanna round of beer or something? We're all screwed anyway," she asked. Natsu swallowed and smiled brightly.

"Nope! We're not! We're the one's robbing the place!" He pointed to himself with his thumb proudly, whereas Gray shook his head in exasperation. The blonde waitress paled. Natsu giggled. "Just kidding!" he sang. Lucy relaxed.

"I shoulda listened to mother," she groaned.

Natsu's head tilted and Gray picked back up his mug. "About? By the way, I wasn't joking," he added.

Lucy started to mumbled to herself. "'This town is too fucked up for a place like you,' she said. I shoulda listened…" If she was in an anime, she'd be crying anime style right about now.

"Potty mouth." the pinkette pouted.

The waitress set her hands on her hips. "Whatcha gonna do?" Natsu sat back down. Gray sipped his coffee.

"Sit here, eat toast."

"...It couldn't hurt to ask... Want desse-" A bomb exploded in the kitchen, cutting her off. The flames quickly spread, crackling. Lucy could've sworn she saw Natsu brighten. Maybe it was the lighting the fire gave off?

"Sure." What the fuck? "It might be burnt…"

Gray shrugged. "Prolly," he finally said.

"What do ya have?" Lucy sank into a quick thought session.

She spoke. "Homemade cookies? I was saving them for later."

"Meh, I'll have one of those. One for him too." Damn the fire was hot. Why was she still here? Oh yeah, getting paid. If her boss was still alive. She disappeared, as they heard sound of the chef dying in the flames.

Soon she returned for a fourth time. "Here ya go. The flames are getting pretty bad," she commented, handing the boys each a cookie. She bit into one herself. "Anything else?"

"Maybe some water. My pants are on fire." That they were. Why didn't he say anything sooner? He was on _fire_ for Mavis's sake! She only nodded, rushing to find some kind of water or pail.

Returning for a _fifth_ time, she handed a bucket of water to him. "Bucket of water for the gent," she laughed slightly.

"Thanks."

"Is that it? I'll be back with the bill," Lucy questioned.

Gray spoke up next. "Sure."

Now she was back for a _sixth_ time. There actually was no bill to give. Damned flames. "The total is 10 dollars."

"$15 it is," Gray stated. He took 15 dollars from his wallet and placed it in the confused waitress's hand. And then she tried to give it back.

"The restaurant blew up! I don't need a tip!" she cried, flailing her arms around.

"It was good service. Take it," he reasoned.

"I dunno.." At that moment, the roof caved it. There was literally no way out.

"You should've taken it!" Natsu whined.

"All I wanted to do was fix my damn car! Now I'm here in this damn mess!" Steam was coming out of her ears, her face beat red in anger.

Natsu quickly took notice. He held up his half eaten cookie to her face. "Cookie?"

-FT-

 **And the stupidity ceases. See ya later or something.**


End file.
